matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
50% drunk capacity currently
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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