what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
