You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need to align my fucking chakras
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
