i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
