That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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