i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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