I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
