Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
