Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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