she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
