he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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