i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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