just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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