Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
