I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
