you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
