taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
