im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
