dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
