I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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