If i come over, it means nothing
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
