Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
