she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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