1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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