I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
