sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
