Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
