Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
