I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
