i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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