So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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