drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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