I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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