I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't turn off my feet"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
