I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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