Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
