Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
