she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
