Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
