So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
