is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
