We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
