When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
