My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
