it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
