Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
