I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
