well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
