in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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