I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
