They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
