We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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