Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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