We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
