john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
