i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
