I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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