You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
