I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
