The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
