K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
