she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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