Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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