Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
