whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish I only lived at night.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
