i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize