Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
