OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
