i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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