I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
