the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
