Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
