honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize