Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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