so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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