Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
