Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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